Two people, many credit cards: How couples can manage credit together

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Whether you share one credit card account or you juggle multiple cards at once, managing credit cards with a partner requires a lot of coordination.
It’s not just about day-to-day spending decisions where you agree upon which card to use at the grocery store and which to use at the doctor’s office. The way you use credit can help or hinder your shared financial goals, and that can affect your happiness as a couple.
Even if you maintain separate finances, your actions affect your whole household. It’s important to have candid, frequent talks about your credit card use so you can work toward a shared set of money goals.
Check in regularly
Scheduling money dates is crucial to managing your credit cards together. Set aside uninterrupted time where both of you can fully focus on the conversation — no dinner burning in the oven, no small children tugging on your pant legs. “Don’t have these talks when you’re tired, hungry or stressed. If someone’s in a bad mood, wait,” says Erika Wasserman, a certified financial therapist based in South Florida. “You both need to be in a place to receive information, not just share it.”
Once you establish a good time to talk, you also need to commit to a productive and emotionally safe conversation. One or both of you may be coming to the table with debt or spending habits you’re not proud of, but if you can be honest without fear, you can make more progress.
Talk about the things you’re struggling with. Perhaps the rewards program on one of your cards is too complex and you’re not using the card’s benefits, or you feel like it’s too easy to impulse-shop online.
Maybe one of you forgot to pay a credit card bill that month and you’d like to prevent that from happening again. Money dates are where you air out your issues so you can solve problems.
Create your shared credit strategy
Use your money date discussions to craft a list of actions to take, such as a plan for paying down debt, an agreement about who is responsible for paying which bills, or a strategy for using rewards cards for specific purchases.
“The key question is, ‘What outcome are you looking for?’” Wasserman says. “Then work backward from there.”
A money date won’t be a one-time event. Set up future meetings — perhaps quick weekly chats to discuss upcoming expenses, plus monthly or quarterly conversations to check in on longer-term goals. If one person takes on the sole responsibility for a task, like paying all credit card bills, check-ins can also keep them accountable so the other person isn’t left in the dark if a bill isn’t paid.
Carry the right credit cards for you
Don’t just talk about how to use the credit cards you have. Ask yourselves if you should still be using those cards at all.
“Equip people with tools that fit their behavior. If one partner struggles with credit cards, they should use a debit card, or even cash, while the other uses credit,” says Brian Page, accredited financial counselor and founder of Modern Husbands, where he helps couples manage their daily finances in their homes as a team. “This isn’t about control or economic abuse. It’s acknowledging that some folks aren’t well-suited to that tool while still working toward shared goals like qualifying for a mortgage at a good rate.”
Also consider whether you’ve outgrown any of your credit cards. Perhaps you travel differently than before, or your spending habits changed after you moved to a new city.
“I once worked with a couple who still had a Disney credit card from when their kids were small,” Wasserman says. “Years later, they realized they had $600 in Disney points, but no plans to go back to Disney anytime soon.”
At least once a year, look through your wallets. Have you stopped using any of your cards? Do any of them have unredeemed rewards you can still cash in? If you’re paying annual fees, do you get enough value out of your cards to offset them?
It could make sense to shop around for a new card, or perhaps upgrade or downgrade an existing one.
Set up systems for ongoing progress
Page recommends diagnosing the root cause of credit card issues, so you can put systems in place that will help you long after your motivation to change fades away. Switching to a new card might be all you need to do right now, but if spending habits are a problem, fixing them can take long-term commitment.
If overspending is an issue for you or your partner, make it harder to spend. Delete shopping apps from your phone and credit cards from your digital wallet. Don’t save card numbers online. When you feel the urge to buy something, taking the extra time to find your credit card in another room and manually entering the number will give you just enough time to reconsider.
“Make it slightly inconvenient to buy impulsively,” Page says. “Make it easy and automated to do the right things.”
Sara Rathner writes for NerdWallet. Email: srathner@nerdwallet.com.
The article Two People, Many Credit Cards: How Couples Can Manage Credit Together originally appeared on NerdWallet.