How do you cancel the credit cards of someone with Alzheimer’s?

Dear Liz: Our son-in-law has been diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s disease and sometimes makes reckless purchases. Our daughter has appealed to their bank to close their account or cancel his credit and debit cards. They refuse because the accounts are in his name. What can she do?
Answer: What your daughter can do may depend on how advanced his Alzheimer’s is, says Carolyn McClanahan, a physician and fee-only financial planner in Jacksonville, Fla.
If your son-in-law has enough capacity to understand the situation, McClanahan suggests the couple go to his doctor and have the doctor explain why it is important for the wife to manage the finances going forward. If your son-in-law agrees, a power of attorney document can be created giving your daughter the legal power to manage their finances.
They should visit an elder law attorney to help her with the situation, McClanahan says. If the bank balks at accepting the power of attorney, as banks sometimes do, she can have the attorney send it a strongly-worded letter to force them to honor the document, McClanahan says. Having this kind of backup is an important reason why people should use an attorney to draft these documents, rather than using a form or software, she notes.
Even if your son-in-law lacks capacity, as a joint account holder your daughter should be able to withdraw all the money in the bank account to protect it. She also can cut up the credit and debit cards.
If all else fails, she can go to court to be appointed his conservator, but that option is an expensive and intrusive one, McClanahan warns. Involving an elder law attorney as early as possible may help her avoid court intervention.
It bears repeating that every adult, no matter their age, should have powers of attorney that appoint someone else to make financial and health care decisions for them in case of incapacity. Trying to get these documents in place after a tragedy strikes can be difficult, if not impossible. Get them drafted now, while there is still time to avoid unnecessary hassle, stress and expense.
Dear Liz: Your recent column on identity theft touched a nerve. My husband and I are very cautious about online security and don’t post details on social media that could be used in identity theft. But his mother constantly overshares, has no privacy filters on her accounts and ignores our requests to avoid posting our children’s names or our birthdays. Last week she posted “Happy 7th birthday to my beautiful granddaughter Bailey!” So now the world knows our daughter’s name and exact birth date. How can we get her to stop?
Answer: Older generations sometimes poke fun at younger generations for documenting every detail of their lives on social media. But many older folks ignore a basic rule of internet etiquette, which is that you shouldn’t post about others without their consent. Children, especially, need to be protected from exploitation by identity thieves, cyber bullies, sexual predators and data-mining tech companies. Your mother-in-law clearly doesn’t understand the hazard she’s creating, but her desire for attention does not outweigh your need for privacy or your right to protect yourselves and your children.
Now, first things first. Your mother-in-law may not understand how privacy settings work, so your husband could offer to help her set those up. That alone can help limit the damage she can inflict.
Next, consider having a face-to-face conversation with her where you and your husband calmly explain your concerns and repeat your request that she refrain from posting your private information. (Your husband may need to solo on this one if your relationship with her is contentious.) Focusing on her past mistakes could make her defensive, so consider framing this with “we” statements such as “We’ve made the decision to keep private details off the Internet to protect our children from predators and reduce our vulnerability to identity theft.”
Clearly explain the consequences if she ignores the request. You and her husband will need to discuss this beforehand, obviously, but the repercussions should be significant enough to communicate how important this is. With some grandparents, the idea of you no longer sending photos and details of the grandkids’ lives may be enough. With others, you may need to limit all contact.